How to Get Back at a Cheater
As a life coach, I’ve given a lot of thought about how to get back at a cheater so I may pass my discovered wisdom on to the bitter masses.
I know, I know… I’m supposed to title blogs with a “5 step plan to blah blah blah…” Blogging life coaches are directed to give readers the simple fix, with easy to follow rules and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
This isn’t a “Top 10 Reasons to (fill in the blank)” article if that’s what you want. You also might be expecting me to drop a little tough love on you here or say “time is the only healer.” That’s not where I’m going with this.
From the point of view of a guy whose been hurt, has hurt someone else and has witnessed the pain of relationships gone bad because of the antics of cheaters, there is ONE way to get back at a cheater. It has nothing to do with revenge, payback or one upping. It doesn’t include “taking away what the ex loves most.” It’s not financially driven, nor does it include the keying of any vehicles. In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with the “cheater” at all.
How do you get back at a cheater?
It has to do with you and you alone.
The one way to get back at a cheater?
Become the person you were before you began the relationship with the cheater. Yep, taking it back to the old school– be who you were when you were irresistible.
Let’s look at who you are today: A victim of cheating. There within the title is the word “victim”. How can you NOT feel victimized by calling yourself a victim of cheating?
Being a victim takes energy in and of itself. Because of this, you’re probably feeling less energetic than before.
Being a victim zaps your self confidence. As a result, your self-esteem has probably taken a hit.
Victims rarely have any control in their lives due to their perception of how unfair it all is. That means you’re probably feeling lost and in a downward spiral. Change is being forced on you without your consent.
Take a minute and think back to before the cheater and before the relationship began. Were you a confident, powerful captain of your own ship? Were you someone who knew who you were, where you were going and someone proud of your accomplishments?
Until…until…this no good cheater took it all away from you, right? Chances are you didn’t do anything to deserve it. Chances are it had absolutely nothing even to do with you.
Would you like to take your power back? Would you like to do it without forgiving the cheater? This may go against the advice of some self help books out there, but why not give it a try?
If you really can’t bring yourself to forgive that person right now, then don’t. To get back at that person as you wish, you’ll have to forgive yourself. No more thinking of yourself as the victim, OK? You’re gonna have to let yourself off the hook. This is no time for woulda, coulda, shoulda.
NOW it is all about recreating the you that is STILL inside you. Heal your self image to let the relationship healing process begin.
- The return of the Mack. If you feel unworthy in any way, remember, the cheater was attracted to you first. Besides, is it really important to you what the cheater thinks anyway? It’s time to let your light shine. It starts with a smile. You do look fabulous when you smile.
- Regain your direction. It’s time to move on without the dead weight, so drop off the baggage at the nearest curb and forget where you left it. The new “old” you has no need for that part of the past. Let the cheater’s fling deal with that crap. (Can I say that?) It’s important to disregard the whys and hows of his or her dirty deed. It is of no consequence in relation to your new plan, except for the fact you now know who will not be a part of it.
- Fake it until you make it. Hold your head up high and walk with a sense of purpose. Clear your mind of the negative chatter that sometimes goes on in there. Remind yourself that your value is created by your values. Your worth cannot be diminished by the actions of others. Your swagger will return. Don’t wait for it–recreate it!
That’s it.
By returning to who you were, you will retake your true place in the world. The lessons learned from this temporary setback are nothing more than that: lessons. Knowledge from experience is far more life altering than those lessons learned from avoidance.
You have walked through the fire and felt the flames. You are burned maybe, but not charred. Long after cheater has flamed out, your light will shine brighter and stronger than ever before.