Are You Married to a Narcissist?

Was the beginning of your relationship like a fairy tale romance? Did you find yourself “addicted” to your partner’s love after he or she reeled you in by showering you with undying adoration and seduced you with flowery words of affection? Did your partner lavish you with dinners, trips, gifts or thoughtful cards and surprises? Did you believe your dreams of the perfect partner and perfect relationship had finally come true, resulting you in pinning all your hopes for the future on this person, the “love of your life”?

Once you were sufficiently “hooked” on, did your partner’s love, attention and affection come to a screeching halt and suddenly become replaced by disgusts (for you), by rage, anger, constant belittling, shaming and/or gaslighting? Did you suddenly find yourself the victim of emotional or physical abuse?

Did you excuse your partner’s changed behavior by rationalizing they were stressed out at work or just having a bad day? After an episode when your ex was irrationally and unexpectedly provoked by you, did you scramble to “right” whatever it was you did to upset your ex? Did you blame yourself?

do you blame yourself?

Do you feel like all the up and down and relationship drama is “you”? Do you feel like you’re going crazy? Are you trying to understand how to make things better again with your partner, that person you know is capable of being kind, loving, generous and understanding? Do you long for the “happy days” to return? Are you staying in your relationship hoping (or knowing) that things can be better than they are right now?

Step back for a minute.

Consider that maybe you aren’t going crazy. Perhaps you’re married to (or in a relationship with) someone suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). According to Wikipedia, Narcisstic Personality Disorder is defined as:

“a long-term pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward other people. People with NPD often spend much time thinking about achieving power and success, or on their appearance.Typically, they also take advantage of the people around them.Such narcissistic behavior typically begins by early adulthood, and occurs across a broad range of situations.”

Individuals with Narcissistic Personality disorder don’t usually think they are suffering from any sort of disorder. They think they are perfect, and they think the people in the world around them are the ones suffering from various issues or conditions. Not only that, but it’s rare to find an individual who has actually been diagnosed with NPD, resulting in difficulty when trying to prove domestic violence or abuse while divorcing a narcissist.

Narcissists expect special care from others. Pause for a moment and consider that you might be married to a narcissist. Turn your focus from giving your spouse special care and treat yourself and your situation with special care. Your life and the lives of your children (if you have any) might depend on it.

Do your research. Protect your children and the best interests of your children. Protect your personal safety. Proceed with caution.

If you decide it’s time to separate from or divorce your narcissist husband or narcissist wife, if at all possible, do not move forward without the help of an attorney who understands the mind of the narcissist or knows something about narcissistic personality disorder.

For more information, watch this Command the Courtroom video interview with Tina Swithin, an expert in narcissistic personality disorder.