How to Get Your Needs Met
When I get hungry, things go downhill fast.
Nobody knows this better than my husband, who loves me without condition. Consequently, one of his reasons for existing includes a passionate desire to help me maintain my blood sugar above a certain level. Every single day for dinner (and sometimes lunch), we play the same game, with a dialogue similar to this:
James: What do you want to eat?
Me: I don’t care.
James: You do care, so just tell me what you feel like eating.
Me: What do YOU want to eat?
James: You know it doesn’t matter what I want to eat. I’ll eat anything. You won’t. Just tell me what you want.
And usually we go on like this for several minutes…often to a point where my hunger reaches code red levels. This is unfortunate for me. But…mostly it’s unfortunate for James.
Although I hate admitting this on the world wide web, the truth is, my hunger issues are not my husband’s problem. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that when I have a hunger crisis, its actually my fault, not James’. Usually by the time I reach the point of nearly passing out or ripping off someone’s head, it’s because I’ve ignored my body’s needs for way too long. In other words, I ignore the advice I preach daily to my toilet-training three year old to “listen to your body.”
Anyway…all this leads me to the first step in getting your needs met in any area of your life.
Get Your Needs Met by Identifying Them
A lot of the time, we don’t even know what it is we need to make ourselves happy, comfortable, satisfied, or content. When the alarm clock goes off each morning, we jump up, reach for the nearest electronic device and check our e-mails, texts and Facebook notifications. After that, it’s off to the races.
This probably isn’t the best way to set ourselves up for a day in which our needs get met.
Today, tomorrow, and the next day, before reaching for our phones, let’s start the day by devoting just 2 minutes to thinking about what we want and need to make ourselves happy. Let’s identify the things we can do to get our desires fulfilled. If our needs involve another person (or people), then brainstorm a strategy for getting them on the bandwagon.
Hey! I have an idea…
Tell The Other Person How They Can Help You Get Your Needs Met
One summer several years ago, James and I took a trip to San Diego to celebrate my birthday. We stayed in a delightful hotel in the Gaslamp District, and everything was perfect….until it was time to settle in for the evening and relax with a movie. James, always the master of the remote, clicked through the things that were playing. Among the films were “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (with Brad Pitt), “Semi-Pro” (with Will Farrell) and “Hellboy 2” (I have no idea who was in this movie).
So…let me ask YOU.
Imagine it’s MY birthday.
The movie choices include the following individuals:
Brad Pitt. Will Farrell. Hellboy.
Who would YOU choose for me?
Brad Pitt, right?!
Well…I ASSUMED since it was MY birthday (and understanding how much I love Brad Pitt), James would read my mind and KNOW what I wanted. He didn’t.
Instead, we went through a ritual much like our daily eating routine in which he asked me what I wanted to watch. I don’t know why, but I wouldn’t actually admit I wanted to see “Benjamin Button.” Instead (thinking he should know), I just kept saying I didn’t care (but I really did).
So…this is what went down.
I went into the bathroom, and when I came out, the opening credits for Semi-Pro were scrolling across the screen.
I totally freaked. I was in shock he would actually choose Will Farrell over Brad Pitt on MY birthday.
It got ugly.
In fact, things went much like they do when I get too hungry. There were tears, there was drama, and there was James pleading with the front desk to turn “Semi-Pro” OFF.
The ending hours of my birthday sucked that year. I was mad as hell. He was scared.
We went to sleep without any movie that night.
And…looking back, I see how all this could have been avoided had I simply told James what I wanted.
The same goes for you in your life.
You. Must. Talk.
If your needs involve someone else, don’t expect them to know what it is you want. You must tell them. It’s not fair to the other person just to expect, regardless of how well they know you.
And…if that person can’t give you what it is you need from them, you will have to decide whether you can (and want to) get those needs met without that person’s help. If you can’t…you have to make a choice about how (and whether) to continue in that particular relationship. If you can…you have to move forward without your friend/partner/family member’s help.
The formula to get your needs met isn’t that tricky. It involves you knowing what your own needs are, then communicating them to the world.
Your life can be happier. Your relationships can be better. And most of it depends on you.
What do you need?
Who do you need to tell?
Sending you wishes for a week which meets your every need.
All my best,
-w
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