Skinning a Cat and Settling Your Case
Today, I am going to give you an answer to one of your most burning questions. It’s one of the questions I am asked day after day by my clients. It is a problem that I have tried for years to solve, but to no avail.
The ANSWER I AM GOING TO GIVE? I am going to give you a fool-proof formula for settling your case.
But first, I give you this disclaimer in the form of a poem:
Forgive me my friends
For what I’m about to write.
Doc broke my nose on Friday
Been doped up for three nights.
I had my nose surgery this past Friday. (See Confessions of a Mouthbreather.) When the doctor told me about it, he said it would be a MINOR outpatient surgery. Minor surgery, my arse! (Downton Abbey style, baby.)
For the record, the only time a surgery is minor is if you can drive yourself there and back. If you are put under, it’s not minor surgery. If you are given a bottle of pain killers big enough to kill a wild buffalo–not minor. If you are still bleeding from your face three days later–NOT MINOR.
(And no, I’m not claiming my surgery was MAJOR surgery. Quadruple bypass is major surgery. Hip replacement is major surgery. What I had done is not. It’s just not MINOR surgery, either.)
On the flip side (aside from the fact I will be able to breathe through my nose once the doc removes 18 feet of packing from it tomorrow) there are a few fringe benefits I’ve experienced from this surgery in the last couple of days:
(1) I’ve lost a couple of pounds without even trying.
(2) Once this is over, I will have managed to have kicked my coffee habit without noticing the withdrawals; I’ve been in so much OTHER pain, I just plain forgot I haven’t been drinking my daily cuppa joe.
(3) The doctor gave me permission to be waited on hand and foot through for at least three days. (Nice one, doc!)
The biggest benefit I have been able to see so far, though, is this: My mind has been OPENED! I don’t know if it is because I am already getting more oxygen to my brain or because of the heavy-duty pain meds I’ve been taking every 4 hours. Regardless, even in the midst of my mind fog, I find myself having all kinds of flashes of brilliance. One of the biggest, most important epiphanies I’ve had so far is this:
I know how each and every one of you can settle your case with minimal drama, pain and/or money.
Now, I admit, I can’t take all the credit for the earth shattering revelation I am about to share. The only thing I can really take credit for is putting together the wisdom I’ve learned from two of the world’s most important men: Albert Einstein and my very own Dad.
OK. Ready? Set? Let’s go…
You have a divorce case that has been looming over your head for nearly a year. You and your ex just can’t come to terms on how to resolve it. You can’t agree on spousal maintenance, property division, the kids, OR ANYTHING. How do you get this done and over with?
“You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.” –Albert Einstein
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” –origin unknown, but first relayed to me at about age 4 by Gregory D. Hernandez
I don’t know specifically what it was in your relationship with your ex that led you to divorce court. Generally, however, I DO know that you have created your current set of circumstances (a situation in which you are having trouble settling your case) because you are acting from a place of resistance. You are holding onto something that is getting in the way of you moving forward and onward.
In other words, you won’t let go.
Here’s where Albert comes in. Change your thinking … start anew … let go of something. Let go of something BIG.
LET GO! That’s it!
In most cases, there is usually more than one thing that each person really wants. Let go of one of the things that your ex really wants even if you really want it, too. By holding on to that request which you really can live without, you are probably holding yourself back from the thing you really want the most–happiness and an end to the drama.
ANY and EVERY case can be settled. It requires something of both parties though. This something starts with you. You can achieve your goal of settling your case by letting go, rather than hanging on. It works, I promise!
So where does skinning a cat come into play? Well, in my experience, I see the same handful of issues come up in case after case which are obstacles in getting to divorce settlement. To help you out, I wrote this week’s featured Hernandez Family Law blog post on the MANY different ways you can skin the divorce case cat. In 50 Ways to Settle Your Divorce OUTSIDE the Courtroom, I give a ton of suggestions for ending many of the most hotly-contested issues in dissolution. Leave me a comment and let me know if there is one that you think will work for you.
As for me, as I finish this post, I am trading in my thoughts about how much pain I am in for the prospect that I have probably added years to my life by letting the doctor re-break that crooked old nose. And, by the way, although HE actually broke the nose, it was only because I let go of the fear, and I LET him break it. I let him break it because I knew that this seemingly pain inflicting action would ultimately bring more happiness to my life.
It can work for you, too. Just let go.
Sending you wishes for a week in which you open all your senses to the endless possibilities waiting for you.
All my best,