Remodeling Your Life After Divorce
Disclaimer: The materials and content within this podcast are intended as general information only and are not to be considered a substitute for professional legal advice or a consultation with a lawyer.
1. Family Law Tip of the Week
You don’t need to hire an attorney “full service” if you can’t afford one. There’s other ways to “use” an attorney to help based on your budget.
2. Remodeling Your Life After Divorce
Honorée Corder is the author of the best-selling “The Single Mom” book series. Her life’s mission is to inspire and motivate others to help their dreams come true. Today, she talks with us about remodeling your life after divorce.
Single Moms are Rockstars!
“As a single mom, you’re doing everything.”
Why single moms are not viewed as amazing goes back to how they feel about themselves. How they feel about themselves is how others perceive them. Honorée has realized that there are a lot of people getting divorced who have feelings that they have made a really big mistake and are somehow damaged goods.
Rebuilding After Divorce
“Have peace that what you thought was going to happen isn’t going to happen.”
People could envision what their life would be like after long years of marriage. However, after a divorce, people realize the dream or vision that they created is not going to happen.
“Envision a new future.”
Take that blank slate you have and draw a picture on it that you can live into.
Getting To Peace
“Put your hammer down.”
You’re not allowed to beat yourself up or beat someone else up, either. Forgiveness is an inner act; the other person doesn’t have to know that you have forgiven them. And remember—Everything you put out comes back to you multiplied.
“I cannot change it. I have to move forward.”
Anger about the past is a sign that forgiveness is in process. At some point, you’re going to recognize that you cannot change what has happened. You cannot change the action, you cannot change the event… You just have to move into the future.
Happiness Is A Choice
It’s a day-by-day process. Every single day you have to wake up and choose how you’re going to feel.
A few things that are going to be helpful:
Start to journal your feelings.
Get it out. Pretend you have an empty trash can right in front of you and just throw everything that’s eating you up into the trashcan. Once you’re empty, you will feel better.
Stop re-telling the same old story.
Find a place to memorialize your story. Find a therapist to whom you can tell the whole story, and then let that be it. If you stop thinking and stop talking about it, you can’t get upset about it anymore.
Write down, design, and speak about what it is that you want to create.
Start to turn off the voice that says you’re not attractive, you’re not worthy, and all those things.
Start to do the things for yourself that you probably didn’t/couldn’t do when you were still married. Now, you have some extra time on your hands, and you should use that to take care of yourself.
Do the things that make you laugh.
If you are an introvert (you recharge being alone), honor that about yourself. If you’re an extrovert (you recharge by being around people), get out and be amongst people. Do the things that make you feel really good.
Start to visualize.
The sky is the limit. You have a long way to go; you have a lot of life left in you (even if it doesn’t feel like you do). Make the decision to feel great and then do something to feel great.
Make a list of the things that make you feel great.
In the moments of sanity while you’re inspired to do so, pull out a piece of paper and write.
Stop doing things that make you feel crappy.
Don’t watch the shows that make you feel depressed because it’s just going to perpetuate that feeling. Avoid the negative things and lean into the positive things.
There’s a book called “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod which talks about a daily practice called “Life Savers.” It consists of 6 things: Silence, Affirmations, Visualization, Exercise, Reading, and Scribing. All of these are the practices of very successful people.
Sometimes you wake up in the morning and feel like there’s nothing to be excited about. But you can condition yourself to wake up happy and set yourself up to win.
Honorée tells her executive coaching clients
“You have to be prepared for the opportunities that could come to you. And you have to be in a place of power to either accept or reject those opportunities. You also need to be in a really powerful place within yourself when something comes to knock you off your center.”
If Divorce Is A Game
“I would recommend to have 3 people on your team right away.”
Divorce Attorney: Someone you allow to advocate for you and fight for you if necessary.
Therapist: Someone who is going to help you figure out how you got to today. The therapist will help you see the patterns from the past, leading to your present and help you heal your wounds.
Divorce Coach: Someone who is going to help you design your life and help you to move forward. A divorce coach is going to help you put some tools in your toolbox to manage the situation as it is right now, as you’re crafting the future.
It’s Your Life.
“You find the money for what’s important for you.”
You can get a lot of work done and a lot of progress for not a lot of money. “Expensive” is based on whether you’re deriving value. If it takes you months to work with a therapist and coach to heal the wounds, design a life that you love and move forward, is it not worth spending the money to do that?