I Am a Victim of Abuse

I am a victim of abuse.  


As far as I can remember, the abuse started when I was eleven or twelve.  Who knows, though…It may have started even before then, and I’ve just blocked it out.  One thing I do know is that I continue to suffer fallout from this abuse nearly every day of my life.


The abuse I am talking about is evil at its worst.  It is more injurious than a weapon of mass destruction.  It is like a disease with no cure.  Trying to stop the cycle of this abuse is about as easy as trying to hold a beach ball underwater; it seems like no matter what I do, it keeps bursting back to the surface.

STOP the cycle of abuse and learn to love yourself!
STOP the cycle of abuse and learn to love yourself!

The abuse has damaged me deeper than anyone could possibly imagine. It has affected my relationships with my partner, my parents, my siblings and my friends.  Many times, it has made me so depressed, I have been incapacitated, not wanting to leave my bed or my room or my house.  Most times, though, it has been just enough to get in the way of me showing up fully for my life every day.


This abuse has proven to be an obstacle to me pursuing my dreams.  It has prevented me from being “real” and expressing my true self.  It has stopped me from sharing my gifts with the world.


You are a victim of this abuse, too.  Whether you can remember it (or will admit it) or not, you have been a victim as long as I have.  This abuse is the worst on the planet:


It is “the self-abuse.”


Have you ever told yourself any of the following?


  • I hate my body.

  • I’m ugly.

  • I’m stupid.

  • I’ll never amount to anything.

  • I’m worthless.

  • Nobody wants me.

  • I’m damaged goods.

  • I’m not good enough.

  • If only I were (fill in the blank with the following: skinnier, prettier, more handsome, richer, more successful, not divorced, not divorced twice or blonde), my life would be perfect.

  • If only I had (fill in the blank with the following: a bigger house, bigger boobs, a nicer car, a husband or a rich boyfriend), I would be happy.

  • If only I didn’t have (fill in the blank with the following: this disease, these wrinkles, this disability, this spare tire or this grey hair), I would love myself.


I would bet my right arm that in the last week, you have looked in the mirror and uttered at least one of these things to yourself.  Me too.  We are different people, but we suffer from many of the same self-inflicted wounds.


The good news about this abuse is that WE control whether it happens.  In other words, there IS a cure.  It is possible to STOP it.


How can you break the pattern?


Start with learning to love yourself.  Maybe this sounds stupid, but it isn’t.  It works.


I’ve spent years devoting myself to the practice of loving myself 100%, “freckles and all”.  I’ve done it successfully.  So far, the longest I’ve been TOTALLY “on the wagon” is about a month.  It felt good.  Real good.


Having a hard time imagining how to love yourself?  It gets easier with practice. There is actual scientific proof (read this book) that if you do the things I’m about to tell you, you will actually RE-WIRE your brain so that your “new norm” will be to think only the most beautiful thoughts about yourself (and change your whole life in the process).


This is what I do:


1.  I am grateful every single day for at least one thing, even the smallest thing, about myself that is good:  My hazel eyes.  My legs that can walk and run.  My mouth that can speak.


Think one good thing about yourself.  Do it.  Do it now.


2.  I do my best to be conscious of every thought that enters my mind (whether it is a thought I create or a thought that seems uninvited), AND I cut those negative and ugly thoughts off at the pass.




3.  I choose to think a different thought, a better thought, when I notice a bad one coming in.


The world is better because I am in it.  There are people who love me.


 If I weren’t here, I would be missed.


Whatever you are going through, know that you are perfect.  And beautiful. And everything you need to be.  (<–Click to tweet this!)  You just need to start believing it, and that is going to take some practice.


As I said before, we are different people, but we all suffer inside.  That brings me to this week’s Hernandez Family Law blog post, Become a Hero Using Only Your View-Part II.  In this post, our resident life coach, James Hoffmaster continues in telling you what it is you can do (that is easy, simple and free) to help someone who is suffering from the same abuse that you do.  You might just change someone’s life (and yours) if you follow James’ lead…


As for me and you, let’s stop the abuse.  Let’s do it together.  Let’s learn to love ourselves.


Sending you wishes for a life free from self-abuse.


All my best,



P.S.  Leave me a comment below and tell me what you are going to do TODAY to stop the abuse.

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