How Not to Be a Loser During Your Divorce

If you are wondering how not to be a loser during your divorce, I am here to help.


I’ve never been divorced, but as a divorce attorney, I have been through hundreds of divorces.  I’ve seen the pain my clients have experienced.  I’ve heard the anguish in their voices.  I’ve been there when judges have issued rulings that will forever change lives.


I’ve seen people blossom into beauty during and after divorce.  I’ve also seen people sink to the lowest depths possible in the midst of a divorce.  Divorce can bring out the worst behavior in the finest person.


Being a winner or being a loser during your divorce is a choice.  It is that simple.  You decide how you are going to behave, and then you “Just Do It”, like the Nike commercial says.


1.  Put the Children in the Middle.  If you and your spouse have children in common, keep them out of it.  You should want to keep them out of it, because putting them in the middle causes them pain. What loving parent would want to cause his or her children pain?

Don’t be a loser.

It is OK to be honest with your children if they ask questions, but do it without badmouthing your ex-partner and do it in a way that your child does not feel responsible for what is happening.


Love them.  Reassure them.  Let them be kids.


2.  Financially Cutting off Your Soon-To-Be Ex.  Any assets that are acquired during the marriage in Arizona belong to both parties.   If you and your soon-to-be ex share community bank accounts, retirement accounts and credit cards, do not withdraw all of the money, change the accounts, or remove him/her from the accounts without first discussing it with him or her OR without getting a court order.  By cutting off your soon-to-be ex without discussion or notice, you could be placing him or her in financial distress.  This could result in a judge hammering you, especially if children are involved.


3.  Trash Talking on Facebook or Twitter.  Whether or not your ex is on Facebook or Twitter, you should assume that he or she is looking at your page/feed, even if you are not “friends”.  If you have children, you should also assume that they will be looking at what you are saying or doing, even if you don’t think they are.  Over and over again, I find myself shocked when a Facebook post or Tweet written by one of my favorite clients threatens to blow our whole case to pieces.  If you vent on Facebook or Twitter, rest assured, your ex WILL find it, and it WILL end up as Exhibit “A” at trial.


No bueno.


4.  Violating an Order of Protection.  If an order of protection has been issued against you, you must obey it.  I don’t care if your ex is calling you, coming to see you, wanting to sleep with you or whatever.  I guarantee this:  the next time you get into an argument, the first call your soon-to-be ex is going to make is to the local police department to report you for violating the Order of Protection.  It doesn’t matter that HE or SHE is the one who initiated the contact.


You will be charged with Interfering with Judicial Proceedings.  You will probably be convicted.  Your conviction will be Exhibit “B” at the trial.


5.  Witholding the Children from your Ex.  Children are not pieces of property.  They are little humans.  Assuming that both mom and dad are healthy and fit as parents, those children need both parents.  By withholding your children from your ex, you are not hurting your ex.  You are hurting your children.  You are also hurting your chances of being awarded joint legal decision making (custody) by the judge.  If your case involves drugs, alcohol, or abuse, it may not be good for your children to have unsupervised contact with your ex.  Before you withhold contact, though, consult with an attorney or seek a court order.


The list of ways to Be a Loser During Your Divorce could go on for miles.  This is only the beginning.  I haven’t covered everything here, but to figure out how not to be a loser during your divorce always ask yourself this:


How would I feel if my ex was acting this way towards me?


If you wouldn’t feel so great, make a choice.


Act differently.


Be a winner.



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