Deciding Whether to Divorce – Should I Stay or Should I Go?-Part I

Deciding whether to divorce and asking yourself “should I stay or should I go?”   As a life coach and friend, I have been asked this question more times than I can count. If I were to answer your question, I would tell you there are several different ways to go about it when deciding whether to divorce.  Should we consult the “Magic Eight-Ball” or would you prefer “She loves me.  She loves me not.”?  I’m sure that by now, you are saying to yourself “really?!”.  My point is, though, having someone else make a life changing decision like that for you really wouldn’t be much different.

 

Tell your story NOW.

 

There are usually two sides to every story, so even if you gave me your reasons why you are currently deciding whether to divorce, those reasons will probably be a bit biased in your favor.   In making this decision, I believe telling your story is a good step towards reaching your own conclusions.  It is OK to tell your story.

 

Do it now.

 

The best way might be to write it down. Write it, read it, rewrite it, change it, reread it. Listen to what you are saying.  Allow yourself to feel.  Dig deeply.  Be real.  Are you being truthful, fair, over-the-top or maybe even too generous to your partner? Does your story have one episode or are there several events that have led you to your current conundrum?

 

Once you’ve told your story, before deciding whether to divorce, delve more deeply into the story you just told.  If you just aren’t feeling happy, examine the causes of your unhappiness. How long have you been unhappy? Can you put a finger on why you are unhappy? Is your marriage lacking passion, excitement or fun? Can you determine when the honeymoon ended? Are the values of you and your spouse too different? Is there an infidelity situation that can’t be resolved? Did a specific event happen causing your unhappiness?

 

Are you sure your feelings of unhappiness are related to your marital status and will be resolved by regaining your freedom? You may answer immediately with a resounding “yes!”  That’s awesome if that is what your gut is telling you, but before taking action, I ask you to really take a good look at that. Open your heart to the possibility of regaining your own personal, internal happiness and you might be surprised that the marriage could fix itself.

 

Take a look at my follow up blog on Deciding Whether to Divorce:  Should I Stay or Should I Go? – Part II.  In that blog, we will explore your individual happiness level and how that could be affecting your partnership.

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