Building Meaningful Relationships One Step at a Time
Episode 31
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Disclaimer: The materials and content within this podcast are intended as general information only and are not to be considered a substitute for professional legal advice or a consultation with a lawyer.
1. Family Law Tip of the Week
If you are in the middle of a family court case and you have an attorney, remember that your attorney is not a therapist (more than likely). Your attorney is uniquely qualified to guide you through the legal system. Unless your attorney has a counseling, psychology, or psychiatry degree, your attorney probably isn’t the best person to help with the emotional issues you are facing. As a result, in addition to being expensive, using your attorney as a therapist might not as be as effective as using a qualified mental health professional.
2. Building Meaningful Relationships One Step at a Time
Connection is the basic foundation to human existence. We all want and need it. Sometimes, however, some of us aren’t given the proper tools to have healthy relationships.
Remember that your relationship with anything (people, money, food, etc.) can be healthy or unhealthy.
The first step to healthy, meaningful relationships is to be honest with yourself. Go back to the moment right before you are about to make a (bad) decision. Look at what is happening to or within you that is causing you to behave in a certain way.
Identify the pre-cursors that happen just before you engage in self-destructive behavior. A negative pre-cursor is anything that begins to hinder your well being. You must do your emotional homework and work on those things. The benefit to doing this self-inventory on an ongoing basis will never, ever stop as long as you are alive.
Lana recommends finding an addiction that is “healthy.” Pick your battles in terms of what habit you will allow to consume you.
In terms of unhealthy personal relationships in your life, you should ask yourself how often you are unhappy. Although every relationship has trials and tribulations, the bulk of your time with another person should bring you joy. You should not be dreading your everyday existence with your partner.
In the case where one person is willing to do their personal homework and the other person isn’t, for your own well-being, you might have to walk away from the relationship. This might truly be in your best interests. It might be very painful and difficult if the other person is a parent or sibling.
If you are in a relationship you think could be toxic and you want to talk about it with the other person in a non-confrontational way, understand that the other might not realize their actions are toxic. Your first attempt should give the other individual the benefit of the doubt. Give the person the opportunity to make the necessary corrections.
If the other person is consistently not making the necessary corrections, you can reach one of two conclusions: (1) You’re not important enough to that other person for them to change or (2) The other person simply is just “that” way. If this other person is your parent and they are just not making the necessary corrections, you may have to walk away. If you don’t, you could possibly carry the weight of your parent’s baggage into another relationship which could negatively affect what would otherwise be a very joyous relationship.
Oftentimes when people have unhealthy relationships in one part of their life, those relationships bleed over into other aspects of life. Although none of us will ever be perfect, we can be “perfectly trying.”
If a person wants to step into a space where they are being truly honest with themselves, they have to get to a place where they can point the finger at themselves and understand they are their own worst enemy. They have to hold themselves accountable. If a person is pointing the finger at someone else, that person is in denial.
When you are on the receiving end of criticism from someone (or someone is calling you out on your “stuff”), get some quiet time. Digest any information that anyone gives you while you are alone. (It takes a lot to be open and honest in front of another person – even someone you love very much.) You can train yourself, however, to pick apart the criticism.
Keep in mind that the things people tell us are not always “correct” or “valid.”
In summary, meaningful relationships boil down to getting to know yourself, and that is an ongoing process. Keep working on things every single day. This is where you will start to see real growth as an individual. You have to constantly keep yourself in a state of being motivated to being the best you can be.
Post reminders for yourself so you can keep your focus!
You can find Lana at lanareid.com. This website will link you into her radio show, her public speaking and all of her social media platforms!
3. Thoughts From the Life Coach
In today’s thoughts, James talks about the meaning of the word “strength.”
Many thanks to http://www.freesfx.co.uk for the sound byte!