Affirming Your Child’s Gender Identity Against an Unsupportive Co-Parent in a Custody Case

Child Custody, Child Support, Life Coaching, Modifying Child Support, Parenting, Support and Alimony

Making major decisions about your child’s health and education is already a lot of pressure to place on any parent, and it can be difficult for two parents to agree on a path forward. Raising a transgender child in Arizona can have its challenges for any family. If there are differences in opinion on how to raise your transgender or gender expansive child, then it can be particularly complicated for a parent to navigate alone.

Supportive parents often provide affirming care, which may include using the child’s chosen name, pronouns, supporting a child’s exploration of gender expression, or seeking support from resources like mental health professionals. When the other parent is unsupportive, the lack of affirmation can negatively impact your child’s emotional and mental well-being.

For a supportive parent, understanding the legal framework and prioritizing your child’s well-being are critical in family law cases against a parent who does not support the child’s gender identity. Here are a few things you should consider.

 

Seek Guidance from Mental Health Experts

A mental health professional who specializes in gender identity issues can conduct an evaluation of the child to better understand the child’s mental health needs and to make recommendations for the parents, including what support is appropriate. A mental health professional can help parents craft a parenting plan to establish ground rules or certain standards, like using chosen names and pronouns or supporting the child’s gender expression.

If your case does go to trial, having expert opinions from mental health professionals can also strengthen your case as the judge will consider evidence from objective,  professional sources when making its parenting orders.

 

Gather Evidence and Documentation

In Arizona, the court’s primary focus in custody cases is the “best interests of the child.” A.R.S. § 25-403 outlines factors that the court must consider when making parenting and legal decision-making orders including the child’s mental health, physical and emotional needs.

Research shows that affirming environments are vital to the mental health of transgender and gender-diverse youth, reducing anxiety, depression, and risk of self-harm.

In Arizona, parents can present suggested or proposed parenting plans to the court, outlining decisions about schooling, medical care, and extracurricular activities.

If your family law case goes to trial, you will need to gather evidence and documentation from credible experts in gender identity, and in your child’s everyday life to demonstrate that affirming your child’s gender identity aligns with their best interests. Some examples may include:

  • Witness statements: Supportive statements and witness testimonies from family members, teachers, coaches, religious leaders, or mentors familiar with your child’s experiences can provide additional perspectives on the importance of affirmation from the people who observe your child at home, school, and at community events.
  • Therapist notes: Mental health records showing that your child benefits from supportive or affirming care can emphasize the importance of an affirming environment.
  • Medical records: If your child has seen healthcare providers, especially those specializing in gender issues, these records can indicate that the care provided is essential and beneficial for your transgender child’s mental and emotional health.
  • School records: School-related documents, such as records of the child’s behavior, grades, school counseling notes, or social interactions, can demonstrate how affirmation positively impacts their performance.

 

Demonstrate a Willingness to Co-Parent

Courts generally prefer for parents to jointly make decisions about their child’s health and wellbeing, meaning parents should agree on each major decision affecting their child. If joint legal decision-making is not in your children’s best interests, the court must decide which parent should have the final say to make the decision if the parents disagree.

If you can show the court that you are able to work with the other parent and actively communicate with the other parent about your child, even if they disagree with gender-affirming care, you can prove to the court that you prioritize the child’s needs over personal conflict. To that end, you should consider proposing co-parenting therapy or counseling sessions with a child therapist who can mediate discussions with the other parent about what is best for your child, if possible.

 

Final Thoughts

At Hernandez Family Law, we recognize that disagreements between parents over gender identity are sensitive and emotionally charged. Working together, we will help advocate for a parenting plan that affirms your child’s gender identity by gathering and presenting evidence that shows affirming care is in your child’s best interest, and that you are the parent most capable of making major decisions in your child’s best interests.

Finally, like your child, you also deserve emotional support as a parent. I encourage parents of LGBTQ+ youth to find your local PFLAG Arizona chapter that offers virtual meetings and additional local resources.

-Blake Holliday (they/them or he/him pronouns)

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