Deciding Whether to Divorce – Should I Stay or Should I Go?-Part II
In Part I of Deciding Whether to Divorce – Should I Stay or Should I Go?, we talked about the importance of telling your story. Did you do the work? Did you really dig deep, write it down, and feel through what has happened in your life? If so, the next step is to explore where you are today as person. Are you basically a happy individual who is being made unhappy by your current relationship circumstances?
Are you a happy individual? Is your partner?
Let me tell you where I’m going here. In deciding whether to divorce, consider the possibility that individuals who are happy people independently of their partners are more likely to be part of a happy relationship. People who are responsible for their happiness are not victims of the actions of others. People who take steps to improve their thoughts and emotions illuminate those around them. People who actively love themselves will attract more love in their lives. It is true, folks!
Some of you might be saying that your happiness or lack of it is a direct result of the actions of and effort exercised by the other person involved. If you believe your unhappy marriage is the fault of your partner, can you answer what it is they have done and why they may have taken the road they are on? When did they stop trying? Or is trying something that person never truly did? Did your partner behave this way before the vows were taken or did the behavior change once you got married? Can you pinpoint the exact behaviors that bother you or are you troubled by an overall attitude that is not in alignment with you as a whole?
In asking these questions, you may find that you and your partner have just lost a connection, but that it is still buried deep, waiting to be unearthed. You may find that if you sow your own garden and maintain responsibility for your own happiness, your partner would feel less pressure, improving the relationship dynamic. You could also find that while you are a happy person and your partner is a happy person, you simply need to learn to communicate more effectively with one another.
If any of these scenarios are true for you, in deciding whether to divorce, you and/or your spouse may want to consider participating in some sort of relationship counseling. Before throwing in the towel, consider the fact that you once loved this person enough to marry him or her. Maybe there is an unresolved issue having nothing to do with the relationship itself, but that is creating an obstacle for the two of you as a couple. If this is the situation, a likelihood exists that when the issue is addressed and the dust settles, you and your partner could have a relationship breakthrough. It could happen!
I understand that not all people are open to counseling, outsider help or intervention in deciding whether to divorce. If you find yourself in this situation, then maybe a conversation about whether each of you wants this marriage enough needs to happen. While you can be responsible for your own happiness, each person needs to give 100% for a relationship to work. If your partner is not invested in you and the relationship, that may tell you all you need to know in deciding whether to divorce.
In deciding whether you should stay or go, consider your conscience, your desires and your needs. Think about how you can be a happy person individually. Trust your feelings. When you do these things, I am confident that your ability to make the best decision for your life will become clearer in deciding whether to divorce. You should have that confidence, too.