Relationship Addiction and Letting Go
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1. Family Law Tip of the Week
2. Relationship Addiction and Letting Go
In this episode of The Family Law Insider, Joan Frances Moran talks to us about addiction in the context of relationships, surrendering and letting go. Joan Frances Moran is a Creative Thought leader, author of the book “60, Sex & Tango: Confessions Of A Beatnik Boomer,” keynote speaker, blogger for the Huffington Post, and a lifestyle leader.
What Might Not Be
“Co-dependency in relationships is very common.”
Some people go back to their abusive mates because they feel like the next day is going to get better. They may have their heart in the right place but at the end of the day, it’s a co-dependent relationship, and it’s not very healthy.
“You have to come to recognition first.”
After recognizing your relationship as unhealthy, be brave, take that risk and do the separation. Surrender and accept what is and that the relationship might not be that relationship you had hoped it would be.
Signs Of Co-Dependency
“You keep going back to the person for validation.”
You want to be validated all the time by the person that you’re living with and that gets to be habitual. The habitual behavior becomes a co-dependent behavior. Unfortunately you’re unconscious about this behavior because you’re in the past or in the future and not in the now. If you were in the now, you might realize that you’re crowding in this kind of conversation and that you need to let each other go and be in a healthy relationship.
“We are conditioned by our past behavior.”
You keep going into the past whereas you’ve probably grown apart a little bit; you probably don’t need each other in that needy way anymore. However, when one of the other begins to get crowded by that neediness, it becomes claustrophobic.
“Each person has to know themselves first.”
You can’t really do a whole lot with cognitive behavioral changes. Co-dependence is about lacking and not abundance. What you should really think about is the abundance of life, instead of unrealistic expectations.
Advice From Joan
“Get respect and admire each other for the talents and skills that you have.”
Self-Identification—Partners will be happy by letting the other be themselves and letting them enjoy what they want to enjoy. There are moments when couples get out to enjoy things together and other times you should let your partner enjoy their time by themselves.
Mutual Respect—Have mutual respect and adoration for the good things. Have positive energy that goes back and forth.
Gratitude—There are a lot of single women who keep searching for a relationship with a mature and grown-up man and not finding one. Whoever is married or in a relationship, gratitude for the everyday is essential.
Putting Yourself Ahead Of You
“You got to separate from that drug.”
Be sensible about separating. Separation is a gift. If you think it’s a negative, turn it into a positive. That is the way you want to start the rest of your life. Don’t be scared. If you don’t know enough about yourself, learn it.
Co-dependent people are used to putting the other person ahead of themselves, and that makes separation difficult. You might have to go to some therapy. You are the beginning of the rest of your life and you have to transform mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Look Into Yourself
“Find the God, or the energy, or the universe within yourself.”
All of us operate on fear. We have a fear of losing our partner. The fear that we can’t get through life without them is an unrealistic fear. You still are you, you still have your skills and talents, and you still have abundance.
The Buddhist say:
“We are born with all the happiness we will ever need in our entire lives… And then we screw it up.” Humans are big on self-sabotaging. Saying to a partner “I can’t live without you,”
really is self-sabotage.
Fear Can Go Away
“The surprise is what happens after you surrender.”
When you let go, you make a positive choice to surrender to what is in the moment. You will surrender to what is now and will be moving on.
Letting go gets people to stop worrying about what comes next and surprises come in life thereafter. Whatever the surprise is, you’re going to have fun if you just embrace the new energy that’s in front of you.
It’s Time To Go
“I’ve done my role… and I’ve walked out feeling ‘wow’.”
Losses of important people happen in our lives. When Joan was asked how she deals with the loss of her significant other, she responds
“His spirit’s always with me. I don’t have to deal with anything.”
“The path is your truth. “
If you know what your truth is, if you know what your skill is, you know where your abundance is—Then you don’t have to miss, you don’t have to be angry, you don’t have to throw yourself a pity party everyday, ’cause that doesn’t enter into your journey.
3. Thoughts From the Life Coach
James is down with a cold, so he’ll catch you next week with some more thoughts!