How to Fix a Missed Connection
Once upon a time, I missed a very important connection.
It wasn’t the airline’s fault. It was mine. I wasn’t paying attention to an important detail called the “departure time” and because of that, my family was forced to go on a very long, stressful journey. This journey should’ve taken 2 hours, but took 12 instead.
Just this past weekend, I realized I missed another very important connection.
Once again, this was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention. And, instead of only taking 12 hours, this journey took 3 or 4 years.
I’ve finally found my way home again.
How to Fix a Missed Connection
Missing this connection changed my life. My life has been amazing in spite of this missed connection. At the same time, my life has been lonely because I missed this connection.
Despite all this, I will just go ahead and say it now:
This missed connection was NOT a mistake. It needed to happen for the evolution of my soul. I don’t regret the fact that I missed this connection.
Although I did “miss” this connection.
Are you totally confused now? Don’t worry…I’ll clear it up.
I also want to say for the record that I am certain you have done the very same thing with connections in your own life.
Here’s how my missed connection went down:
Four and a half years ago, I used to meet one of my very best friends, I’ll call her “Lady V,” every single Saturday morning at the base of Piestewa Peak at some ungodly hour. We hiked, we talked, and we shared. She was a ray of sunshine in my world, and largely because of our friendship, I was deeply satisfied by the personal connections in my life.
Then, I got married.
Then, she found out her husband had cancer a few months after that.
Then, her husband died a few months after that.
Then, I had a baby a few months after that.
Then, we forgot about keeping in touch with each other for 3+ years.
What’s really crazy is that through most of this, Lady V lived within walking distance from my house. She still does. Years went by, and I didn’t make the time to see her. I didn’t feel like I had the time to see her.
I was lonely without her. I missed her company. I was overwhelmed in my own life.
I felt like a horrible person. Her husband (who was also my good friend) had just died. How selfish would it be to call and unload all the new, confusing and fantastic things I was experiencing as a newlywed and new mother?
Then, I didn’t call because I felt like the worst human on the planet for not having called.
Somewhat lost, but not forgotten.
This past Thursday as I was sitting at my desk working, an e-mail popped into my inbox. The subject line read, “Somewhat lost but not forgotten :)”
Lady V!
My heart jumped.
Less than two days later, we were sitting at breakfast like we had never missed a minute away from one another. Just like the old days on the mountain, we talked, we laughed, and we cried. Only now, our tears were different.
The tears reflected the difficult experiences in each of our lives over the last few years. The tears reflected the pain of losing a husband, of losing independence, of losing confidence, and of losing the sure-footedness with which we used to scale life’s trail.
We cried because we had found our way back to each other again. We cried because we had finally found our way home.
How to handle it when you find your missed connection.
Is there someone in your life who satisfies (or once satisfied) that need for intimate emotional connection? Is there someone like that who you have been missing? Are you angry with that person because s/he hasn’t called you in weeks, months or years?
Can you put your resentment aside and accept that the person probably has a good reason for not calling you? Can you regain that missed connection without judgment, guilt or anger? Can you pick up the phone and call the person regardless of how long it has been? Or, if you aren’t ready to call for whatever reason, when that person finally does call you, can you embrace that person with open arms and all the love you have to give?
Life gets crazy. Sometimes because of this, we miss personal connections. This can happen with your best friend from high school. It also can happen with your own mother.
Whatever the reason is, recognize that that person is having an experience that s/he needs to have without you. You are having an experience without that other person that you need to have, too. Your absence from each other’s lives is causing you to evolve independent of one another.
While this missed connection might be painful, it is necessary to the evolution of your soul. And, when the time is right, you will regain that connection. When you do, it will be richer and deeper than ever before.
This week, for those of you in my own life who feel or have felt abandoned by me, in the words of my very dear Lady V…
You are somewhat lost, but definitely not forgotten…
Sending my wishes for a week in which you reach out to those connections you have been missing.
All my best,
-w